Through The Lens Read online

  Trying not to squirm under his scrutiny, I blurted, “How much more film do you have left?” I hadn’t kept count.

  “We were done a while ago,” he said, smirking.

  Feeling indignant, I plucked a pillow from the sofa and marched over to him. Slapping him lightly over the head, I said, “That was just wrong.”

  Ducking, he laughed. When I began to walk away, I heard the distinct sound that said he’d put the camera down. Next thing I knew, I felt his hands on my sides tickling me. “I can’t let that go unpunished.”

  Laughing, gasping for air, I managed to say stop after some time. My face planted into the sofa with him behind me, egging me on and telling me to beg for his mercy.

  “Mercy, mercy,” I sputtered, and his hands were gone. It was so sudden I missed his touch on instinct.

  Swiveling around, he was so close I could see the stormy gray show in the blue of his eyes. Something was churning in them, but I didn’t know what. What I did have was the urge to kiss him. The air was sizzling, and I wondered if he felt it, too. With shadows falling all around us, I said, “I guess we should get started. You said you wanted light.”

  Moving his hands from his lap, he placed them on the floor to help him stand up from his crouched position. The black leather of the couch now seemed like an anchor pulling me down with all the things left unsaid in the room. “The light was for the pictures,” he said, scooping up my camera. “I knew you hadn’t finished. And you don’t have a flash.” Yeah, Dad told me that I had to finish taking all the pictures before I could unload the film from the camera.

  And wow, he’d known that I was a fraud from the beginning. I wasn’t sure whether that was good or bad. Bravery was new to me when it came to boys, “If you knew I hadn’t finished taking pictures, why invite me over?”

  Raising his eyebrows, I realized he was just as surprised as I was that I’d asked that question. “I don’t trust those places. Who knows what weirdoes work at those places and what they might do with my picture.” When I just stood because I wasn’t buying it, he admitted coyly, “Maybe I just wanted to hang out with you.” Hell, if that didn’t light my fire.

  “Um,” I started, avoiding his intense eyes. “Maybe we should develop the pictures.” Allie. I needed to remember the girl. I didn’t know her well, but I wasn’t that kind of girl, no matter how hot he was.

  Turning on his heels, he said, “Follow me.” And I did. We ended up in a small room that seemed to be decked out for the occasion.

  “Wow,” I said.

  “Yeah,” he replied.

  “So, you’re like a professional or something.”

  “Or something,” he whispers.

  “Wow,” I said, again at a loss for any other word to describe.

  Not being a photographer, I couldn’t name all the equipment in the room. But there was a lot of it, and it included a sink, too. Trays full of liquid, bottles of liquid, canisters, and what looked like an old-fashioned clothesline ran the length of the room.

  “Be still. Stay where you are. I’m about to turn off the lights.”

  “What,” I protested. I kind of knew that this would be the case. They don’t call it a darkroom for nothing. Being alone in the dark with Ethan, however, didn’t seem like the best idea at the moment.

  “Try not to move until I turn on the lights,” he smirked, just before everything went black.

  If I ever feared the dark, I would have screamed at this point. But I didn’t. Once it was dark, he changed. He became the teacher and I his student. As much as I was interested in what he was doing, I was distracted by his movements. He seemed to brush against me at every opportunity. It was dark, I tried to tell myself. But even when the light was on, he made it his mission to touch me in little ways. Thus, I didn’t catch everything he said. Added to his invasion of my bubble, I was still grasping that I was here in a boy’s house alone. That boy was utterly fascinating to me.

  In the end, I did pick up that the chemicals had to be a certain temperature so timing was key. But what I really got before the light came on was that processing color film or C-41 was an advanced technique I wasn’t really ready for. So, why was I here? Ethan wanted me here.

  “I’ve loaded your camera with black-and-white film. It’s easier to process than color. And I promise to give you hands-on practice with developing.” I got tingles down my spine at the words “hands-on” remembering his on me when he tickled me earlier. I was surprised then as I was now at how much I’d enjoyed his closeness. When I looked up, he was watching me with that sly grin. It was as if he could read my thoughts and I stifled a shiver. Goosebumps still formed on my skin.

  A while later with the negatives set to dry, we headed out of the room. My muscles felt stiff from trying to remain like a statue. Even after the light was on, I felt like a fish out of water and didn’t want to be in his way despite his determination to be in mine. So I’d remained motionless pretty much the whole time.

  “Are you hungry?” he asked.

  “No, I had dinner before you came,” I said.

  Nodding, he said, “I’m hungry.”

  “Okay,” I said, because what did you say that?

  I sat at the lone table in the kitchen. He opened the refrigerator and pulled out a pizza box. Next, he took out a paper plate and stuck a couple of slices on it, and into the microwave they went. The pizza box went back in the fridge. “Usually, I’d warm it up in the oven. It tastes better that way.”

  His words only reminded me just how lonely he must really be. But his smile, now warm on me, contradicted that.

  He was pulling out the pizza when Allie came sweeping in. She hadn’t knocked, and I guessed she must have a key.

  “Hey y’all,” she said, feigning a Texas twang. Her character in the show was from the Deep South, and she must have been practicing.

  “Hey, babe” Ethan said, placing his pizza on the counter and pulling her into a bone chilling hug. His mouth found hers, and then they were kissing. Turning my head to avoid the PDA, I wished for the first time tonight that I had my turn with the car so I could leave. It wasn’t that I was jealous. Okay, maybe a little, but I didn’t hang out with my own best friends that much anymore because I of my third wheel status. I had no need to repeat that feeling with people I barely knew.

  “Sorry,” Allie spoke, her accent gone. “You guys done?”

  “Yeah,” we both said at the same time.

  Looking between us, she said, “Jess, I was kind of hoping you’d do me a solid.” We both stood watching her as she bit her lip like she was afraid to ask. “There is this boring ladies’ tea I have to attend tomorrow, and I was hoping you would go with me so I don’t have to go alone.” She focused on Ethan for a second before returning to me. “I was going to drag Ethan along, but I figured if you had the time,” she trailed off, sounding unsure of herself. That was odd. She was a TV star... I'd always expected that meant she had confidence.

  “What time?” I asked, already agreeing without saying so.

  “It starts at three.”

  “Sure,” I said a little quickly.

  Allie raised her eyebrows. Was I acting suspicious, based on how we were reacting to her? And if so suspicious of what? Wanting to get on her good side because she was Ethan's girlfriend? “Great. Can I take you home then? This way I’ll know my way there tomorrow.”

  “That would be great,” I said. “Thanks, Ethan,” I mumbled before following Allie and heading out the door. I didn't look at him as I leave and I ignore the pain in my chest. He had a girlfriend and she was Allie and I'm fine with that, really.

  We left out the front, and Allie had a cute and what looked like a really expensive convertible. It screamed with every designer inch that it was worth more than my college fund, but I didn’t ask. Once she turned on the car, music filled the space, and it was a popular song we both liked because we broke out singing and laughing at our individual solos.

  Singing and giving directions along the way gave
no time for Allie to tell me off for hanging around her boyfriend too much. I knew we’d done nothing, but my conscious left me feeling guilty.

  Parked in front of my house, she said, “You have a nice house.”

  It seemed odd for her to say that seeing as we'd just come from Ethan’s literal mansion. And judging just from the outside, his beat my house hands down. My house was half the size of his. Green shutters stood out against the white frame of the house. My mother took care of the plants that line the house, but they looked nothing like the living greens sculptures outside of Ethan’s.

  “Ethan’s is way better,” I admit honestly, thinking maybe she was just trying to be nice.

  “Maybe,” she said, voice suddenly softer. “Before my move to LA, I lived in a townhouse with my Mom and sibs.”

  She seemed lost in thought which gave me another moment to realize just how normal Allie and Ethan were. Ethan’s with his wealth and Allie with her superstardom, both were just everyone else with the same insecurities. They were just people.

  She turned to me again, thrumming her fingers on the steering wheel. “I was thinking you could go with me tomorrow to get something to wear to this thing. Can I pick you up around one? Since it starts at three, I want to make sure we should have enough time to get ready and there.”

  “Sure,” I said with a smile, really starting to get excited for this thing. As I walked to the door, I again start thinking just how surreal my life had gotten. I was hanging out with Allie McDougal tomorrow. Even knowing she was just an everyday person didn’t scrub the fact that she had the status of celebrity stamped on her forehead.

  Just before I reached the door, I got a text from Ethan:

  U Left UR Camera. Come over Monday and get it.

  My heart stops, splutters before kick starting again. Texting with shaking hands, I replied K.

  Chapter Nine

  Morning brought Madison to my doorstep. My Mom must have let her in because I woke with her hovering over me, her arms crossed over chest

  “Crap, Madison, you nearly scared the shit out of me,” I said, squinting, voice husky from sleep.

  Walking over to my window, she opened the blinds, letting the sunlight blaze in evaporating the darkness in the room. Closing my eyes against the sudden brightness, I turned over to avoid it all but Madison planted herself on the bed in my field of vision.

  “So, tell me everything,” she said.

  Rolling my eyes and wanting to go back to sleep, I turned over to be assaulted again by the sunlight. Giving in, I groaned and turned back over in Madison’s direction, “Give me a minute.” I complained slowly getting up, I walked out of my room and down the hall to the bathroom I shared with my siblings. After taking care of the necessities including a quick brush of my teeth, I headed back to my room.

  Madison had made herself comfortable, tucked under my sheets and head on my pillow. After studying her in disbelief and a tiny hint of affection, I gave in. Laying back down I said, “You know you suck.”

  “Why?” she mused cheerfully.

  “Because you have a permanent tan I’d kill for,” I said, grabbing her arm in my hand, admiring her golden hue. Madison’s Mom was black, and her Dad was white. And the mix was stunning, Madison was simply gorgeous. She had hazel eyes, curly light brown hair with natural blonde highlights, and a lightly tanned skin tone.

  Snatching her arm away from me in mock anger, she said, “Stop avoiding the topic, Jess. Tell me.”

  And so I did. I told her in great detail about my night with Ethan leaving no stone unturned.

  “Let me get this straight. He gave you a look after tickling you?”she asked.

  Leave it to her to zero in on that. “Yes. But it could have been nothing.”

  “Maybe,” she replied. “But, it could mean that he likes you more than he should. Maybe in the same way you feel about liking him, But with that girlfriend...”

  I interrupt before she can go on, “I don’t want to think that way. It’s not going to happen between us. It's just confusing. Anyway, what’s up with you and Bradley? I feel like you guys don’t tell me anything anymore,” I pouted, successfully changing the topic to something more important.

  “Come on, Jess, I don’t want it to get weird for you. You’ve like known him longer than I have.” This was true. I’ve known Bradley since forever. He’d always lived just down the street from me. Madison had moved here with her family in the fifth grade and had joined our duo to successfully make a trio that had lasted until now.

  “I don’t know. Just tell me like you would tell me about any other guy,” I pleaded. I didn’t want things to get weird between too but things were really changing, and I didn’t want to lose my two best friends in the process.

  She looked nervous. “You can’t tell him this,” she begged. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea. They both were important to me, and keeping secrets from them was hard especially about Allie. I didn’t relish the idea of adding more secrets to the mix. “I’ve always thought Bradley was cute. But we were friends, and I never thought we’d end up together. Now, I love him like a brother. But I don’t yet love him like a boyfriend. It’s weird. I like him a lot. But I don’t love him yet. Is that wrong? I mean, this is all new. He told me he loved me, and I froze. I didn’t say it even though I do because it’s just not yet the way I think he loves me.”

  Oh gosh darn. What the hell was I supposed to do with that information. “Do you think you could ever love him that way?”

  Her look was thoughtful. “I think so. I mean when he kisses me it’s like magic. And I definitely feel strongly about him. I just can’t say it’s love yet.”

  “Then it will all work out,” I said. And for a while we just laid there in comfortable silence, both in our own worlds. I wondered whether I would bust at the seams with all these secrets, I never had to keep so many before and they all had such a weight and their impact if or when they came out would so great. I could only wonder what the future held.

  Madison had to leave for work, the spell was broken and I knew I had to go over to see Bradley. Getting dressed in sweats and a tee and headed down the street without breakfast.

  Knocking on the door, I was greeted with a warm hug from my second Mom. “Have you eaten?” she asked looking me over as she did recently, like I no longer had enough to eat.

  “No,” I admitted and was soon ushering me into her kitchen, and within moments a bagel slathered in creamy goodness was in my hand. I bit in, knowing I’d have to run twenty miles to work it off. But there was no saying “no” to his mom.

  Thanking her and bagel still in hand, I made my way upstairs to assault my prey like Madison had done to me. Sure enough, Brad was sprawled out under his covers with a pleasant smile. When I jumped on the bed, his eyes flashed open in horror.

  Then, I was tackled in a bear hug. “I’m going to kill you,” he said in my ear.

  Laughing, I struggled but didn’t get free until he let me. Standing, he adjusted himself. Seeing me give him a quizzical look, he said, “This isn’t your doing, sweetheart. It could be anyone and I’d still be like this.” His hand covered his family jewels, and I rolled my eyes and looked away. I mean ew gross.

  He padded out the door, and I tried to get the imagery out of my mind. Bradley was like my brother but sometimes I became aware of how much he was like a guy and not really my blood brother. I took in the state of his room. His room was still in a state of mess. Clothes were in a pile in the corner next to the closet door. The desk was totally unorganized. Gaming equipment lay next to the chest of drawers, which held his TV on top. And I doubted he was going to clean anytime soon, this was just the way Bradley operated.

  When he came back in the room, I could tell his mouth open in some form of apology and I held up my hand. “No further explanation. You know I have a brother who has no shame. He goes to great lengths to get me to blush. I’m well aware of the workings and how guys wake up in the morning,” I said, with wide gestures of my hands
to circle in the air.

  “So,” he said. “What brings you to my abode so early in the morning?”

  “Have you looked at a clock?” I asked. “It’s not early.”

  Looking over, he shrugged. “I had a late night of online gaming.”

  “Whatever,” I said. I scoffed at his habits and how they mirrored my brothers. Boys. But I don't concentrate on it long because they were something more important. And after a moment, I blurt, “Madison came by this morning.”

  Perking up, he sat a little straighter in his desk chair he’d planted himself on. “Was she on her way to work?”

  “Yeah,” I said. I look up to his green eyes, wary but knowing I had to broach this topic “Have you told her yet?” The way his eyes instantly flicked away told me no, he hadn’t. Sighing, I said, “You need to tell her.”

  “God, you know her family. They’re all religious. She’d probably gone to your house right after Mass,” he blurted hands in tight fists in his lap. And he was probably right about that. Her family was very religious and went to church every Sunday.

  “But you know her. She’d never judge you,” I pleaded.

  He combed his fingers through his blonde hair out of nervousness, but it fell back into place even before his hand fell on his lap in defeat. “If it doesn’t matter, why should I tell? You’re the only one who knows. You know my family would never understand.”

  Personally, I didn’t think his mother would have a problem. His father I wasn't so sure of, neither did I know about Madison's parents. But right now the first battle was between him and her. “You told her you love her. And if you meant it, you should share all of you with her.” This was the one secret I’d held up until yesterday from Madison. And that was only because this wasn’t the type of secret I should share. It was Bradley’s business to share and his alone. However now that they were a couple, it was important for him to not have any secrets because that would only lead to bigger problems.

  “I do love h er,” he said defensively. “I’ve liked her forever. I don’t want to mess things up. I don’t want her weirded out if I look at another guy in passing.” Bradley admitted. “Just because I look at a guy or another girl for that matter doesn’t mean I find them attractive. “