Broken Lens Read online

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are products of the author’s imagination or are used factiously and are not to be construed as real. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, organizations, or persons living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

  All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews. The scanning, uploading and distribution of the book via the Internet or via any other means without permission is illegal and punishable by law. Please purchased only authorized electronic editions and do not participate in or encourage piracy of copyrighted materials. Your support for the author’s rights is appreciated. For information address Wicked Truth Publishing.

  First Edition

  Copyright 2015 Shannon Dermott

  All rights reserved.

  ISBN:

  ISBN

  THIS BOOK IS DEDICATED TO ALL THE FANS THAT WAITED PATIENTLY FOR IT.

  Thanks to Anne for all your help with this book. You motivation helped me through the dark times.

  one

  Anticipation clung to me like the sticky stuff found under movie theater seats. Even my dorm roommate was tired and disgusted with my near desperation to see Jess, my girlfriend of over a year. It was only my promise to her that held me at bay for the last two weeks. I’d dumbly agreed to hold off seeing her while she acclimated to college life. It had taken everything for me not to drive to her school, which was only a few miles away from mine, like I wanted to.

  Fingers snapped in front of my face and brought me back to the present. “Earth to Ethan.”

  The mischievous eyes of my roommate, Bear, came into focus. “I know you’re on a rocket to Venus where your girl is. But the game is on the field. Evans just took a hit, and he’s down. You might go in.”

  My head snapped to the field where a player lay surrounded by coaches and medical staff. The stands were eerily quiet, and my heart thumped a rhythmic beat to near bursting from my chest. Bear left my side and jogged back onto the field leaving me to stare dumbstruck at the spot where our starting quarterback was in fact laid flat on his back. I stood and turned towards my coach in time to catch a ball sailing directly for my head. No doubt someone else had been trying to get my attention. I caught the ball one-handed just as my coach gestured with his thumb in the direction of the field.

  As backup, my course in history changed as I was thrust into the game with five minutes left on the clock and three points down.

  It was the first time that day I’d second-guessed my decision not to have Jess come to the game like she wanted. I’d been sure I couldn’t have sat on the sidelines knowing she was up in the stands, especially when the likelihood of me playing had been less than doubtful. Yet there I was.

  I trotted with languid steps onto the field. The stadium was far larger than any I’d played in. The crowd began to roar creating a daunting feeling in my stomach. The thunderous applause hadn’t been for me though. Baker had most likely waved to the crowd letting them know he was okay. However, the deafening crowd reminded me how many people were watching.

  My father and Jess, the two people I cared most about in this world, weren’t there to witness my moment with me. I shoved those thoughts away and began to jog forward as the cart wheeled out our fallen teammate. I had to get my head into the game. I would see Jess in a matter of hours. Right then, I had to earn my scholarship, mostly because I needed it more than I’d let Jess believe.

  Thoughts about how the government had seized control of all of Dad’s assets, including our house, tried to encroach into my thoughts. And I couldn’t let that happen.

  “Ethan.”

  The crack of my name like a whip yanked me back, pushing thoughts of things out of my control into the closet where all my secrets found a home. I turned and read coaches hand signals of the suggested play. It would be the one I had to execute unless I read something different from the defense. It was real. Out on the field I was in control. My teammates counted on me to lead us back from the deficit. And knowing the outcome, win or fail, would rest on my shoulders only added to the weight of the chants that bellowed from the stands.

  The last five minutes on the clock stretched for longer than imaginable. It was as if I had an out of body experience. I called the plays in the huddle. I had the ball snapped to me several times. For a few of them, I handed the ball off and for the others I threw a couple of strikes into the eager hands of receivers. Yet, it was as if it all happened to someone else.

  Somehow, we managed to turn the game around. The feeling of weightlessness was surreal as my teammates hiked me up on their shoulders as we left the field in a stream of cheers. It was our first win of the season, and somehow I might have been partly responsible.

  “Hart! Hart! Hart!” My name was chanted until coach quieted everybody down in the locker room.

  “And the first game ball goes to Hart.” I caught the ball as another round of cheers flew easily out of the mouths of guys I only met weeks ago. I couldn’t say I was unaffected. I’d forgotten what it felt like to belong. It had been a while since I’d gotten anything but blatant stares of disgust from most who thought I had something to do with my ex’s disappearance.

  Carly was still missing. She’d walked away from Sam, Allie, and me on a night we’d all been drunk out of our minds. I’d been the last to see her, so the cloud of suspicion hung over me like a veil. If only they knew the truth of it all…

  Coach continued with his victory speech while time passed without notice. I sat on the bench in a haze long after all the words were said, and everyone disbursed.

  “Dude, you have to go with us to the party.”

  Steward, given name for Bear, towered and created a shadow that eclipsed me. I stared at my roommate understanding again how he got his nickname.

  “You know I can’t. I have that thing tonight.”

  I stared up at him with my arms resting on my legs as I twisted the game ball in my hand. The gap in the wall in front of me represented my locker space. It stood empty where the others on either side were full with discarded equipment and stained uniforms from the battle we’d fought and won.

  Bear slapped a hand down on my shoulder, and I was grateful for the pads I still wore. His smirk gave me fair warning. He would do what it took to get me to the party whether I wanted to go or not. He wasn’t above a little peer pressure. I wasn’t in the mood to be razzed by the guys. He knew I was meeting Jess at a hotel that night. All the plans had been made before I left for college. He hadn’t yet shared that information with the team. As the corner of his mouth lifted in a widening grin, I knew he would announce it to the locker room if I didn’t agree to go.

  Time had crept by like a turtle to my hare these past weeks. I hadn’t so much as jacked off in all the time Jess and I’d been parted. Jackrabbit couldn’t describe my need to be with my girl. And there was nothing in the world that would stop me from seeing her.

  Bear’s meaty hand seemed to pull a cell from out of thin air given he only wore a towel that wrapped around his waist. The cell was lost in his palm as he glanced at it. “It’s only four. You have a few hours to celebrate. The party is in your honor.” With his brow arched, he made his case crystal clear.

  Bear had a way of talking softly when he wanted to and using his doublewide lungs to his advantage at other times. Heads turned in our direction with expectant looks as his words filled the huge room. If I backed out, I’d have the rest of the team on my back to go. I had to admit defeat. I did have a couple of hours before my meeting time with Jess. And I felt fucking fantastic from all the endorphins of our win.

  “Sure, I’m in.”

  A
ruckus of, “Hell yeah, party, and girls,” was chanted and not in that order while I pulled off my uniform and equipment before heading to the shower. I ached after two long weeks away from Jess, and my thoughts drifted to her soft curves and how they would feel underneath me. I tried desperately to get my mind in check, and it was useless. It had been too long since I’d seen her. She’d refused to Skype wanting our reunion even that more special. All I had to go on were memories, pictures and my sketches of her; that and her sweet voice from the other end of our phone conversations. I had to admit, her plan made me want her more than I did before she was mine.

  It was mid-afternoon, but the party was in full swing when we arrived. People were already doing keggers. A tiny girl was being held upside down by her legs and feet as a funnel was placed in her mouth. I shook my head at the antics while everyone drank themselves stupid.

  I tugged the brim of my hat down hoping to blend when a girl in a top that could barely contain her chest walked up to me. She precariously held a red plastic cup that sloshed with each of her slaying steps.

  “Hey Ethan. You really know how to drive the ball home.”

  Her wink and toss of her short brown hair was more than an invitation. Bear put a beefy fist to his mouth. “Oh shit, I think she wants you to pile drive her home. The play is Catch Brown 89 Curls.”

  I nearly vibrated with laughter. He’d basically told me to take the brunette, stretch her vertically and use a long ball to head to the end zone, in football speak.

  “You take that. I’m calling a bootleg right,” I declared.

  He wasn’t a running back, but he knew that I was passing that honor off to him to handle for the touchdown. As hot as the chick was, she wasn’t Jess. My plan was solid. I would only stay for maybe ten more minutes before I left.

  His slap on my back took me by surprise, and I had to use all my might to prevent me from stumbling forward from what he thought was playful blow. He passed me a cup filled with amber liquid. I wasn’t sure where he’d gotten it from, but I took it. I didn’t want him to decide to pressure me into chugging down beer from the keg while doing a handstand as a rite of passage.

  “Pussy is everywhere my man. There is no way you should settle down so fast. You’re young. And now the talk of the school.”

  A girl with shoulder length blonde hair saddled up to Bear. “Are you boys in need of a drink?”

  Bear eyed her up and down like she herself was the drink, and it was the hottest day in summer. “I drink whatever you’re offering,” he answered.

  The girl battled her eyelids and curled a finger. That was all it took to cow the Bear into submission.

  “Pot and kettle,” I muttered. “Why don’t you tell your girl just what you told me?”

  Bear glanced over his shoulder at me with a scowl and shook his head. I pursed my lips and followed him to the kitchen where bottles were lined up on every available counter space. I should have left then but I hoped to not be cornered by the guys and asked to join a drinking contest. I wouldn’t allow myself to be peer pressured into doing it. But if I could avoid having to explain myself, I would try.

  “Yo, Bear,” came one of our teammates. “Come help us hold up Tammy.”

  Tammy was yet another small girl prepared to take the handstand challenge against a beer keg. I ducked into the kitchen hoping they hadn’t seen me behind Bear’s massive back. I set my drink down prepared to go when the blonde came over.

  “What happened to the Bear? That is what they call him right?”

  I nodded. “He’s helping with a beer drinking thing.” I flicked my fingers in the direction he went.

  Her eyes followed as she pouted, and it might have been cute if I was single. I wasn’t, and nothing looked good if Jess wasn’t the one doing it.

  “And I made him this drink.”

  She looked so forlorn, I glanced away and saw a sea of plastic cups. The one I’d put down was lost in the collection. I had no good reason to deny her offer of the drink she held out. I sighed and took it. I wouldn’t drink it though. I headed back towards the living room while guys chanted behind me. They counted the time as they held the Tammy girl up, and her top headed the other direction giving them a peek at the color of her bra.

  I was just about to place the cup on the coffee table so I could make my escape when my name was said in unison. “Hart, Hart, Hart.”

  I couldn't ignore all eyes that were on me. However, there was no way I was making a speech. I’d played like five minutes of the game. The win wasn’t mine alone. So I lifted the cup to a round of cheers and placed it to my lips as everyone else did. I drank down what tasted like Vodka and slammed the empty cup down on a counter nearby. There was another round of cheers until the guys that held court around the keg came into view. Then it was Bear’s name that was chanted giving them another reason to take a drink. I took the opportunity to make my escape while all eyes were focused on someone else.

  I didn’t text Bear I was leaving because he already knew I wasn’t staying. He had a ride back to our dorms not as if he couldn’t walk it. It was less than a mile and the night was warm. I pushed open the door and glanced up into fading light. It was still early, and I had time to kill.

  “Hey, Ethan.”

  I turned back to see Bear’s blonde who’d given me the drink. She’d given him all her attention, so I wasn’t prepared to block any attempt at getting mine.

  “Yeah,” I replied.

  She gave me a shy look that once again threw her into a cute zone until it rolled off me like rain water.

  “Bear told me to bring you this that you would need it for tonight.”

  She held out another plastic cup, and I eyed it dubiously.

  two

  My eyes lids felt stuck together as if they’d been glued that way. When I finally pried them open, darkness lay all around me. It took me a moment for my vision to adjust to the low light. I sat with my head pressed against the glass in the backseat of my SUV. Based on my surroundings, I was in a deserted parking lot. I glanced out all the windows not having a clue how I’d ended up there.

  Nearly stuck to the left passenger door, I let my eyes fall to what wedged me in place. Stretched out on the backseat was a blonde wearing only a bra from what I could tell. She lay on her stomach with her cheek mashed to the backseat. Moonlight shimmered off her blonde hair that covered the side of her face and tucked around her shoulders.

  “Jess, baby, wake up.”

  I had zero idea how we ended up here. Yes, I’d been horny out of my mind, but I didn’t think I would attack her in the car. Yet there we were.

  When she made no movement from my words, I found myself reaching out, and then pausing. What if? I thought. But I vanquished it just as quickly. No, I told myself. I let my hand fall to her naked shoulder. Her skin was blissfully warm and I shook it slightly.

  “Babe, wake up.”

  A moan sounded before innocent eyes turned up to meet my own as she propped herself up on her elbow. Only it wasn’t Jess’s eyes that stared back at me. It was that moment my eyes found the torn foil packaged that glinted in the moonlight. I glanced at my lap as if to question my other head as it peeked up at me through an open button on my jeans.

  Faster than a speeding bullet, I tucked myself and pulled my shirt down to somewhat cover my crotch area. When I glanced back at the blonde who should have been with Bear, she wore a sexy smile.

  “Hey, you know you were great. Better than I expected. You aren’t my usual type. I like ‘em big, but then again…” She trailed off while glancing at my lap.

  I closed my eyes because I knew there was no fucking way I’d been with her. She moved to sit in the seat unashamed she had nothing on to cover her lower half. Her breasts were barely covered by lace and I turned the opposite way because I shouldn’t have glanced at her. Even still, there had been no stir in my pants. I felt nothing for her, not one hint of desire.

  “You should go.” My voice was cruel. She probably didn’t deserve
it, but I felt sick and numb all at the same time. I had no memory of any of it. If I’d cheated on Jess, which it very much appeared I had, I deserved to remember it.

  The claws came out, and I could feel the girl narrow her eyes at me before gathering her clothing from the floor in front of her. “What. The. Fuck?” She enunciated every word like somehow I’d change my mind. “You’re just going to dump me out here in the middle of no fucking where.”

  Rage came off her as she put on her clothes with angry jerks. Yes, I wanted her out of my truck like that moment but held it together enough not to voice it.

  “What did you give to me?” I accused because she’d given me a drink, and I’d blackout.

  She had to have slipped me something. I didn’t think it was a Rufi, but I didn’t know the girl. I did however know what it felt like to wake up from a bender. There was a time in my life where I’d looked for escape in all the wrong places. A time when I wanted to forget things that were better left buried, things that only a lone survivor like myself could remember.

  “Give you! I didn’t give you shit. You should ask your friend. You drank whatever he sent to you, and you asked for my help to get to your car. Then you were all over me.”

  Whatever else she said, I tuned out. She had to be innocent the way she was going on. But I didn’t think Bear would have set me up. I hadn’t known him long, but I knew him well enough to know he wouldn’t have done that to me, especially last night of all nights.

  I pushed open my door and didn’t dare look at my phone. I knew what I’d find, and I was too much of a coward at that moment to find out. As the curses continued to spew out of her mouth in rapid succession, she could have been speaking in a foreign language for all I listened. I glanced over at the city skyline line to know it was too far away to leave her alone in the few hours before dawn broke.

  Out of the car, I realized then we weren’t in an abandoned parking lot. We were at a construction site. I seriously considered tossing her into the pit several yards ahead to put us both out of our misery if she wouldn’t shut up and let me think. Instead, I opened the driver’s side door and found the keys still in the ignition.