Broken Lens Read online

  “We would make it worth your while,” the brunette added with a wink.

  I glanced up and saw the smile and knew I was in. The blonde glanced over at her friend with a bit of horror on her face. I liked her even more for that.

  “You know my name, but I don’t know yours.”

  “Allie,” the brunette answered quickly.

  I nodded to her.

  The blonde hesitantly said, “Carly.”

  The shy way she spoke made my blood spike. The brunette was a sure thing and she was hot, but the blonde was beautiful in her own way. I’d had a lot of hot since I started high school. I wanted to try beautiful.

  “So can we come?” Allie asked.

  I glanced at her, cocking my head to the side. “You find my house, you can come.”

  Pushing up to a standing position, I walked off. It was arrogant of me and I wanted Carly in the worst way. But something told me Allie would find her way to my house. She looked resourceful.

  Later when I brought bottles of liquor from my dad’s stash to the kitchen, the door opened and Allie and Carly walked in. Everyone stopped what they were doing and Carly shrunk back almost hiding behind Allie.

  “Ethan, you let the trash come to your parties. I’m seriously going to have reconsider coming to these parties if you let just anyone come.”

  “Awe Peaches,” which wasn’t her name. “Can it,” I said as I made my way over to the pair. “Come, have a drink,” I said playing host.

  The guys nearby stared like they were pizza and the girls glared like they were a rare disease.

  “Don’t worry about them. They’ll get over it when I open these.”

  I held up the bottle of liquor and the crowd descended. I tilted my head to the side spiriting Allie and Carly away from the crowd. “Come with me.”

  In what was called the Maid’s pantry, we didn’t have to scream to be heard. “Thirsty?”

  “Absolutely,” Allie answered eagerly. The dress she wore gave no doubt as to what she had to offer. “Plus, we have something to celebrate. Carly here landed her first TV role.”

  Carly’s cheeks flushed pink and I couldn’t imagine her wanting to be on TV. Allie seemed at home with being front and center.

  “Congratulations,” I said while pouring them some of my father’s Black Label Jack. I would have given them the Jameson but that would be missed by Dad if our housekeeper didn’t replace it before he and Mom came back. Their weekend getaway was actually code for Dad had a business trip and Mom tagged along because there would be dinner invitations where her presence would be required.

  I handed them the crystal tumblers not the plastic stuff that was in the living room for everyone to use and discard. We clinked glasses.

  “A toast, to the prettiest girl at the party and her new life as a TV star.”

  Allie frowned, but it was too late to correct my statement and include her. There was something about Carly that made me forget other girls and that hadn’t happened since I found out that playing with girls was not only different but more fun than playing football with the guys.

  We were soon left alone when Allie breezed from the room once she realized I wasn’t interested. “You’ve pissed her off,” Carly said bashfully. “I don’t think anyone’s ever turned her down before.”

  I answered in Hart fashion. “I’m not anyone.”

  Her smile was as brilliant as the stars outside. I guided her out back to some deck chairs and we picked out the bright stars that shown through the cloudy night sky.

  “You seem too quiet for someone destined to be in the spotlight.”

  “I actually like performing. Something about the stage brings me to life. I like to sing and dance and for a time, be someone else, anyone else."

  She trailed off and I thought about her statement. There were times I wished I could be someone else, especially if that someone could be loved by their mother.

  "It’s everyday life that scares me. Plus, we need this. My family that is. My dad left and Mom is struggling. She wants a different life and I can help her get one.”

  It was an admirable quality. “If you are half as good in acting as you are beautiful, you’ll be great.”

  She gave me another of her special smiles that felt like they were only meant for me. “I bet you say that to all the girls.”

  I shook my head while pursing my lips. “You’d be wrong there. I’ve only ever said these things to you.”

  We barely talked the rest of the time. Just wistful phrases here and there as we stared at the sky and not each other. I often enjoyed the silence. It usually meant my parents weren’t fighting. Then, I enjoyed the silence with her. She didn’t feel the need to fill the space with meaningless words or endless chatter. We talked about nothing and everything with the few phrases we spoke.

  I was on the verge of developing a crush. I didn’t think I’d ever crushed on anyone before. Up until now, the girls I’d wanted came and went as I pleased. She was different. I hadn’t made one move to even kiss her. And in a weird way, I was nervous about the prospect. I wanted to like kissing her. So what would happen if I kissed her and didn’t enjoy it? What would that mean? The thought scared me.

  “I have to ask,” she dared. “Do you bring girls out here and charm them with your words before you charm them out of everything else?”

  A grin split my lips, and I answered honestly. “I usually don’t waste time with words.”

  five

  The bed was as bare as my soul. Somehow I’d made it back to campus and into my room where Bear lay crashed on his bed as if he barely made it there. I tried to do the same but sleep was a long time in coming. I hadn’t gone to take a shower, my melancholy too heavy for anything but my imitation of a rock. It felt like I’d just closed my eyes when my alarm sounded. Hope gnawed at my gut, and like the desperate guy I was, I checked for messages. Free of any word from Jess, I took out my frustration on the phone.

  Alone with Bear already gone who knew where, I got up. I balled up the sheets and shoved them in a corner until I could wash them of the filth that was my shame. I pocketed my uninjured phone which had somehow survived my wrath, and I’d just grabbed my stuff when Bear walked in.

  “My man. You look like a turd that fermented in the sun.”

  “Thanks,” I said snidely.

  My roommate had a way with words, which was why his English major made sense despite the fact he looked far from the talented poet which he claimed to be.

  “How did it go with your girl at the love shack? Did she go all siren on you?”

  The truth wasn’t even an option in this situation. I had no desire to talk about what had and hadn’t happened.

  “No,” I said keeping my words short for fear I would vomit out my guilt. It came out more clipped than I hoped, but there was nothing for it. Then a question popped in my head. “Did you send a drink out to me with that blonde that was hitting on you?”

  Bear scrubbed at his head as if the action would produce the memory his scrunched up face searched for. “Naw man. I looked for her, but she disappeared.”

  I nodded. I didn’t think he would do that to me. The alternative was the guys had rufi’d me as some sort of weird hazing ritual. Maybe I should have told them about my plans. But then again, wouldn’t Bear have just razzed me about it? Too many questions I didn’t have answers to. I regretted not finding out the blonde’s name.

  “Hey, this was under the door.”

  Bear handed me a manila envelope with my name printed on a label.

  “Yeah, thanks,” I said and tossed it on my desk before grabbing my stuff and heading for the showers.

  “Headed out?” Bear asked.

  I nodded. “I’m going to the café after, you eat yet?” When he nodded, I added, “Later then. I’m going to the library to study after breakfast.”

  No way could I study in my room. I needed motivation. And with football taking up a large part of my day and week, I needed the time to make sure I was prepare
d for classes.

  Outside, the bright sun that heated my skin seemed dull. I felt this gut wrenching pain that I’d only felt one other time before. It took a monumental effort just to breathe and not break down and call Jess that day. Knowing she was hurting and I caused it made the food I ate taste like paper and the books I read seem like blank pages. I just needed her to know that I would go to the ends of the earth if I could reverse time and change it. Change every decision I made that had us parted. I shouldn’t have taken the scholarship. I shouldn’t have ever left her that summer day. I just shouldn’t have. I hadn’t known what love was until her. She was it for me, and I’d let her slip through my fingers.

  I fought against the selfish struggle in me to go and reason with her. If nothing else, she deserved the space she requested. So I pounded through the day not really knowing how or what I did as everything faded into nothing. That night as I lay in bed, I was sure the pressure in my heart would explode if I couldn’t get her back.

  Monday morning meant mandatory weight training. When I got in the locker room, Coach was there calling my name, “Hart,” and gesturing with his fingers for me to following him into the trainers area.

  Evans was there on a padded blue table looking forlorn wearing a cast on his leg.

  “Oh man, sorry.”

  Evans gave me a half smile. “It’s sucks. I’ll be out six to twelve weeks.”

  Coach cut in. “That means you’re in. I know you’ve studied the playbook, but you’re still a rookie. Evans will work with you each week to give you insight into the players on the other team. He’s played many of them several times over the last few years.”

  Evans nodded. “Yeah sure. Sounds great.”

  Coach left, and Evans and I hashed out a time when we could meet that day. I had to cut lunch short but not out. Practice was grueling, and I was one of the smaller guys on the team at six foot two and just shy of two hundred pounds. I had lean muscle, but the guys I would play against would be bigger and up to three hundred pounds in some cases. Skipping meals was out of the question.

  I rushed into the library not having a lot of time before my next class. Every minute counted. I had a paper due and a test the next day which meant nothing but studying after practice. I couldn’t complain, because busy meant my mind was kept off of Jess.

  Evans was seated at a table with a swarm of giggling girls around where his booted foot was propped on the table. I sighed before striding in his direction.

  “Poor baby,” a pretty brunette said as I made my way over.

  “I know how you can help me feel better.” Evans cracked a mischievous smile that had all the girls giggling again.

  “Hey,” I said forcing his attention in my direction. I didn’t have a lot of time, and I didn’t want to do this after practice. His groupies would have to wait.

  “Hart,” he said to me. “Ladies, I’ll have to—”

  Whatever he was about to say was cut off when a blonde on a mission came over to the table with a gathering storm on her face.

  She held out her hand. “Garett, I need the car key.”

  The girls around gave her scathing glances. Evans whose first name was Garrett rolled his eyes before digging in his pocket. He held out his key, and she snatched it. She glanced around the parade of girls before her eyes met mine. She was extremely pretty, and it was easy to see why Evans might have had something going with her. She didn’t speak and spun on her heels.

  “I thought you didn’t have a girlfriend,” the brunette said.

  “I don’t,” Evans muttered. “Sorry, but I have business with Hart.” After a short pause, he added, “Later.” He said the last like a question which worked for the four girls hanging around. Their pouts turned to smiles, and before they meandered off, a different brunette with a rack the size of Texas came over to me.

  “You’re cute,” she said with a hand on my cheek like women at my dad’s office used to when I was in elementary school. It creeped me out.

  I removed her hand. “Thanks, but I don’t think my girlfriend would like me playing with strangers.”

  She laughed, which was what I was aiming for. Girls could be tricky. Say the wrong thing, and they start calling for your dick on a platter. We were in the library, and people were already staring.

  “Ethan Hart, Garett’s replacement. You are cute. Let me know when you dump the girlfriend. I’m Brandy by the way.”

  She winked before walking over to her pack as they sauntered off. I didn’t bother watching. I sat and didn’t ask Evans about the blonde either. It seemed complicated. I had my own complication.

  “You’re a freshman right?”

  I nodded not knowing where he was going with it. Plus I thought he knew I was a rookie, but I waited to hear what he had to say.

  “Some advice?”

  I shrugged because I thought he was here to give me advice about the players on the Brown University team, who we were playing next week.

  “If you have a girl back home, dump her. It will never work out with all the tail you’ll get for being on the team. Trust me.”

  I bobbed my head not wanting to get into it. Whatever was going on between him and the blonde was his business. And I’d had all the tail in the world, and it hadn’t compared to Jess.

  “So, Brown…” he began.

  We spent the next half hour talking about each of the defenders on the team. There was no way to go over all of them, so we set a meeting time for tomorrow afternoon before I rushed to class.

  Evans fan girls who hadn’t gone far came back over after a hand wave from him. They helped him to his feet and looked like they were going to see him to wherever he was headed.

  By the time I made it back to the dorm later that day, I was tired and pissed off. Bear wasn’t in the room, and I was left with self-pity for a companion. On my desk was the envelope Bear had offered me before the day before. I picked it up, turning it around in my hand like I could read its contents with laser vision like Superman.

  Finally, I tore it open only to pull out a single page. Like a kindergarten project, letters were glued on the paper in horror movie fashion.

  Immediately, I thought back to my night with the mysterious blonde. A glance back at the letter and the way certain letters were put in capitals, the message itself didn’t seem like it was about cheating on my girlfriend.

  Suddenly, a memory laced with guilt hit me like a battering ram. I collapsed on my bed and didn’t resist the pull to the past even though I wished like hell I had.

  six

  over two years ago

  A couple of weeks and a couple of girls later, Carly and I hadn’t connected. She had been out of school for a lot of that time, and we hadn’t done anything but talk that night at my house. I’d gone to sleep alone that night when the party goers had finally left. I found myself hoping to see her soon.

  I had a drink in my hand when she walked in the door. I hadn’t expected her to show at the party a friend of mine was throwing. Allie swept in like she owned the place, but it was Carly’s bashful step through the door as she tucked her hair behind her ear that had my attention. I still couldn’t see her on the big screen. She eyed everything with a wary glance before following in the wake of storm Allie.

  Automatically, I found myself walking towards Carly to intercept. By the time I made it to the spot she’d been in, she was gone. I glanced around when gentle pressure wrapped around my arm.

  “Ethan.”

  Allie’s eyes dropped from my head to my toes like a slow moving elevator. When she blinked up at me, I smiled because hers was infectious.

  “Where have you been hiding yourself?”

  I hadn’t exactly been hiding, but I had avoided her some. She was Carly’s friend, and I was interested in Carly.

  I shrugged. “I’ve been around.” I took a swig of my drink. “Where’d Carly go?”

  Her smile remained, but her eyes narrowed some. “She’s probably hiding outside.”

  The way
her eyes were fixated on mine, I guessed she expected that I might stay talking to her.

  “Okay, thanks.”

  I walked away and pushed my way through the crowd. I heard Allie behind me calling for the music to be turned up. After being stopped a few times with nods by guys from schools and big smiles from a few girls, I finally made my way outside.

  Twinkling Christmas lights hung from the house to a light post near the pool. There wouldn’t be stargazing for us that night with the darkness broken by the spot lit pool. I ignored the sounds of splashing where I guessed the adventurous had decided to have an impromptu naked pool party based on the amount of clothing strewn about. It was the kind of thing I would have gotten in on a few weeks ago. Instead, I searched for the girl whose image kept me up at night.

  Carly was sitting on the stairs leading down to the lower deck staring up at the sky. She wore yellow like a beacon of the sun. It didn’t matter if I could get burned, I went over and sat next her. When she turned a cautious smile on me, I knew I was sunk.

  “Why aren’t you inside?” I asked.

  One shoulder raised and the shirt she wore shifted and revealed an expanse of creamy skin. I hadn’t realized I was staring until she reached a hand and tugged her shirt up over her shoulder again. I wasn’t ashamed for looking. So I met her gaze with no remorse.

  She sighed and rolled her eyes. “Allie’s shirt,” she said as if in answer to a question.

  “Do you always follow her?”

  I was curious just how far she would go if Allie were leading her. I didn’t mind her being shy, but I also liked a girl who could make her own decisions.

  She shrugged, and I stood. I held out my hand to her. “You like to follow, follow me.”

  She shook her head with a playful curve of her lips. And it took a moment for me to find her eyes again. “I think following you would be a very bad idea.”